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  #1  
Old 12-05-2018, 07:26 AM
sparky40 sparky40 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Bend,IN
Posts: 55
Default How The Fight Started!!

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you
still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"




And that's how the fight started.....

______________________________

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire "while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”

“No”, she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

______________________________



When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first … the shed, the boatmaking beer. Always something more important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tallgrass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, once my testicles descend, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started.

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2 seconds."

I bought her bathroom scales.

And then the fight started.

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt".

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience atthe Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got disability too."

And then the fight started.

______________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight's perfect."

And then the fight started.

______________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning … The start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

That's how the fight started.
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72,147,149,169,1450w/Johnson loader,#2 cart, IH lawn sweeper
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  #2  
Old 12-06-2018, 06:25 AM
twoton twoton is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MA
Posts: 1,909
Default

Bahahahaha!!!
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  #3  
Old 12-06-2018, 08:01 AM
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R Bedell R Bedell is online now
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Ah yes.......
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CC Models: 100, 105, 129, 1450, & 784

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Cub Cadet is a premium line of outdoor power equipment, established in 1961 as part of International Harvester. During the 1960s, IH initiated an entirely new line of lawn and garden equipment aimed at the owners rural homes with large yards and private gardens. There were a wide variety of Cub Cadet branded and after-market attachments available; including mowers, blades, snow blowers, front loaders, plows, carts, etc. Cub Cadet advertising at that time harped on their thorough testing by "boys - acknowledged by many as the world's worst destructive force!". Cub Cadets became known for their dependability and rugged construction.

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