How The Fight Started!!
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you
still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire "while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No”, she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first … the shed, the boatmaking beer. Always something more important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tallgrass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, once my testicles descend, but I will always have a limp.
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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2 seconds."
I bought her bathroom scales.
And then the fight started.
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt".
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience atthe Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got disability too."
And then the fight started.
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's perfect."
And then the fight started.
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I rear-ended a car this morning … The start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started.
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72,147,149,169,1450w/Johnson loader,#2 cart, IH lawn sweeper
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